We broke up 9 days ago, and it completely caught me off guard.
I’ve spent the last four months with this guy, and once again- I really thought he was “the one.”
It hit me this morning that it’s time to move on, which is never easy for me… but always necessary.
I can do what everyone always tells me to do and convince myself that “this has been a learning experience”– and try to find my next object of affection. Or I can take a different approach. Try to actually make it a learning experience.
I can count on one finger how many “grown-up” relationships I’ve had in my life, but I bet that I’ve claimed “he’s the one” more times than I’ve been on dates. But when I really got to thinking about it, I’m not sure what, if anything, any of “the ones” have actually taught me.
That’s what I aim to find out. Off the top of my head, I’ve come up with 40 boys that at one point in my life, I’ve claimed to “love.” For the next 6 months (at least) I plan on examining each and every one of these failed relationships, asshat crushes, and obsessions who all, at one point- consumed me. In addition, I plan to explore the people, ideas, and passions that currently shape my life, as well as track my state after dealing with a tough break-up… and hopefully, I’ll eventually figure out what it all means for me.
I have no delusions. I know that finding out what “love is” is an impossible task, but maybe I can take some steps to figuring out what love means to me. Hopefully, I’ll figure out what went wrong, what I’m looking for, and a little bit about myself along the way.