I had every intention of writing a “past loves” essay today, but instead I got bitch-slapped by my ex-friend, Facebook.
The last few days I’ve been in a mood that could only be described as “jolly.” I’ve been working on projects, organizing my life, and walking around singing Hall and Oates songs. Oh, I had the occasional “why the fuck hasn’t he called me?” moment of insanity; but all in all, I was doing ok.
That is until last night.
I logged onto Facebook for a late night “stalking of the exes” session but hadn’t really planned on looking at “the ex’s” page, mostly because I knew that he rarely logs on and that his latest post would be the pictures of us together that were uploaded only months ago.
Incedentally, “the ex’s” first name is as the same”the one’s” last name, so when I typed in “the one’s name, “the ex’s”name popped up.
Confusing, I know.
I decided to click on it, just to see if he had de-friended me, only to find that he has taken a recent interest in The Book. In the last week had had become friends with several new people, all of them girls.
He also had 2 new posts on his wall.
The first was some cheesy quote from a very pretty brunette. I know nothing about her except that she is from Arlington, works as an eye-lash extension artist, listens to indie-rap, likes movies such as Home Alone and Half Baked, has 3 dogs and 2 humongous boobs.
The second was a post from another girl who’s profile picture was of her dog.
“I had so much fun this weekend, sorry I had to leave early. It was good to finally meet “big boob brunette” and I hope I get to hang out with y’all again soon!!!”
Who the fuck is this girl how has he known her long enough to be being referred to as a y’all ??
Why is fuck is he going out and having fun when we wanted to bad to spend some time alone, not drinking???
How the fuck are her boobs so perky???
I sat there staring at my computer for a approximately 30 seconds before I rushed into the kitchen faster than you can say “ketchup” and made myself a vodka soda, chugged it, and then had another.
I tried to calm myself down by rationalizing that she could be a long lost cousin or someone he paid to hang out with him, but that word kept flashing in my head.
Y’all is a word used to group people together, a word of familiarity…. a word used when referring to a couple.