Facebook is the Devil.

I had every intention of writing a “past loves” essay today, but instead I got bitch-slapped by my ex-friend, Facebook.

The last few days I’ve been in a mood that could only be described as “jolly.” I’ve been working on projects, organizing my life, and walking around singing Hall and Oates songs. Oh, I had the occasional  “why the fuck hasn’t he called me?” moment of insanity; but all in all, I was doing ok.

That is until last night.

I logged onto Facebook for a late night “stalking of the exes” session but hadn’t really planned on looking at “the ex’s” page, mostly because I knew that he rarely logs on and  that his latest post would be the pictures of us together that were uploaded only months ago.

Incedentally, “the ex’s” first name is as the same”the one’s” last name, so when I typed in “the one’s name, “the ex’s”name popped up.

Confusing, I know.

I decided to click on it, just to see if he had de-friended me, only to find that he has taken a recent interest in The Book.  In the last week had had become friends with several new people, all of them girls.

He also had 2 new posts on his wall.

The first was some cheesy quote from a very pretty brunette.  I know nothing about her except that she is from Arlington, works as an eye-lash extension artist, listens to indie-rap, likes movies such as Home Alone and Half Baked, has 3 dogs and 2 humongous boobs.

Bitch.

The second was a post from another girl who’s profile picture was of her dog.

“I had so much fun this weekend, sorry I had to leave early. It was good to finally meet “big boob brunette” and I hope I get to hang out with y’all again soon!!!”

Y’all????

Y’ALL???!???”!??

Who the fuck is this girl how has he known her long enough to be being referred to as a y’all ??

Why is fuck is he going out and having fun when we wanted to bad to spend some time alone, not drinking???

How the fuck are her boobs so perky???

I sat there staring at my computer for a approximately 30 seconds before I rushed into the kitchen faster than you can say “ketchup” and made myself a vodka soda, chugged it, and then had another.

I tried to calm myself down by rationalizing that she could be a long lost cousin or someone he paid to hang out with him, but that word kept flashing in my head.

Y’ALL.

Y’all is a word used to group people together, a word of familiarity…. a word used when referring to a couple.

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7 Responses to Facebook is the Devil.

  1. Oh man, so sorry to hear about this! Nothing good ever comes from ex-stalking on facebook, huh? Although, for what it’s worth, I refer to any group of people as y’all — couples, roommates, or just strangers I happen to interact with in a group setting. Doesn’t necessarily mean anything!

  2. Cassie says:

    Facebook is both the best and the worst for this type of thing. Sure, you get vague glimpses of what’s going on in other people’s lives, but once you know, you wish you didn’t know. Except you’re so glad you know, ’cause now you know. Or do you?

    …Maybe it’d be best if you deleted him from your friends list. Or not.

    As much as the scenario sucks, at least you still have your sense of humor. “Three dogs and two humongous boobs”– classic!

  3. ScoMan says:

    He’s an asshole and she’s a bitch. I hate them both so much and I want them dead.

  4. This reminds me of an old cliche that I have to remind myself of once in a while. Don’t ask the question if you’re afraid of the answer. Or, in this case, don’t click on the page if you’re afraid of what you might see.

    Maybe he’s moved on, and that sucks, but you’re moving on too, and that’s a good thing!

  5. asplenia says:

    Aaagghhh!! Primal scream on your behalf. YES!! I’ve had this experience too and absolutely hhhhhate it. I try to stay away from old beau’s fb pages, otherwise it’ll just torture me. (Willpower not always so good though…)

  6. steff says:

    i’m sorry but “the ex” sounds like a major douche-knuckle. i’m not a fan of him at all.
    also? facebook IS the devil. it is an evil evil machine that can crush your self-esteem in seconds. i debate quitting it like every other day. i never do tho. i think it has to do with my self-destructive side.

  7. Lil Mrs. says:

    I’ve totally been there and completely agree – facebook is the devil. My last ex would have his exes posting to him all the time even when we were together! grrr. Good riddance. I love the post though – the way you write it out is awesome!

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